Common Threads Binding Us Together
We all cry the same loss for our little babies we didn’t hold for long enough. We all know that we only carried them for a moment, and they are still loved for a lifetime. Our entire lives. And when we really look deep, we can see that we didn’t LOSE a child, they will always remain in our hearts. We will hold them there until we hold them in heaven.
We are all on the same journey. Everyone travels a different course and different road to peace and contentment with the circumstances around us. One of the loneliest walks is the one down the path of grief. We do not want to open our hearts to others on how we are feeling. We don’t want to bother people with our grief, and sometimes bottle it all up inside. But grief doesn’t have to be lonely. Grief binds us together, while we all still have our own unique story.
Here is an example of one way you might help others in their grief process and bind us all together. And you might even find that helping others is healing.
Link to KGW.
The decisions you make through this grieving process will write your loves story for your child. Each day, the little choices you make will compose your narrative. As the days go on, it seems hard to put life into perspective. It appears when you look at nature, your surroundings just don’t have the same beauty and splendor. Your family and relationships just don’t seem to be enough to fill the void in your heart. However, you have a choice to make. In the end, the days and years will go by. You will eventually sum this time in your life up to just a few sentences. When you describe your story to someone in the future, it will be just a few short minutes. While it seems inconceivable at the moment, it will come in time. So it’s a beautiful short love story, and let us write it well.
2 Minute Positive Story
What we all soon realize after our loss and looking at those around us in the same adversity, we all yearn for completeness. We yearn for purpose. We want to ensure the life we loved has meaning in this world. You are part of a bigger purpose and a bigger community. There are thousands of families entering the same grief process, and you now all have a common thread. It is a way to pass all diversity, across all age spans and cultural barriers, and a way to sink deep into relationship. Here at Release the Doves we can connect through our stories. We can learn from each other. We all have been touched by the One who has authority to speak creation into existence. We can learn by each other to help write Him into our story and not edit Him into small portions. We can lean on each other to trust the end of the story is good. We can listen to our friends. They have stories. Sometimes we must share our story. Sharing our story will thread ourselves into theirs, ultimately weaving all of us closer to the ultimate story of God in heaven who loves us. A beautiful tapestry of heartaches and grief. In the end, it will make a space for a relationship deeper than you ever imagined.
We know that a good-bye is the most difficult when the story wasn’t finished. And we know that our story was written long before us. If we reflect, we might see the blessings amidst the blunder…no matter how small.
This is your story. Eventually, when someone asks you about how many children you have, how many kids you have, you will have a choice to make. It is your story, and you chose which parts you edit. God is the ultimate author; you only get to edit the narrative you tell.
So, sit down, let the pen just flow, pour from your heart to the paper. You prepared such a beautiful home in your heart for your child. Let your abounding love, sadness and memories flow. Reflect on the stories around you. Find joy in your child’s continued presence. Happiness can be found even in the darkest of moments if we just search for the light. Reflect. Reflections can give space for change of your narrative. Find joy in your story- you only have one life to live. And if shame, guilt, hopelessness and blame are writing a story with a different narrative than what you want to consider what you need to lay down to write a different narrative. This is a big storm. It is one of the biggest tragedies that anyone will go through in a life time. But the bigger the storm, the brighter the rainbow can be. And God makes promises in His rainbows.
In the end, remember, that your journey will become someone else’s survival guide. We are here to support one another. We can find many forums on the web that send us down the avenues of guilt, doubt, fear, and uncertainty. Let us write stories that encourage each other and see the meaning and purpose that our children had in our lives. There is gold in every piece of your story. It’s a short love story so let us write it well.
Even if you are early in your story- life will slowly encroach back in the margins of grief. Can you start to see any splendor?
If you are struggling with a positive lining to find amidst the heartache, realize that we all want to teach our children, but they end of teaching us about life more abundantly than we can imagine. What has this heartache taught you?
And when we read each other’s stories. Be gentle with one another. You don’t know what chapter you walked in on and what was written in their story before. We all have different experiences in our journey and that impacts the outcome of our stories. A chemical miscarriage can feel just as significant as a stillbirth if there was years of waiting and hoping, conception trials. No life is insignificant.
And when you have traveled through this arduous grief journey, remember you can only start a new chapter if you stop rereading the last. It is your choice you can choose how the story is narrated.